Can you pls help me to come out of this ?

Question

Hi , I am 24 yrs old female and have no one other that my mom i this world. I feel very upset these days for no reason. I cannot even dream or think postive about myself and i do not think anything can make me happy.I feel myself to be very lonely. I have a job as an HR Executive in a pvt software company but i do not see any stability in my carrer. I am not able to trust myself or anyone these days.
It is very hard to see my mom struggle to get me married as i am not good looking and it is impossible to get me married. I feel miserable about my life. I cannot discuss this with anyone whom i know because i know they will make fun of me. I am sometimes very scared to think that how i will be when i have to lead my life all alone without anyone with me. I want u to pls let me know the ways how i can come out of this fear of living alone and give some confidence before i loose it completely. Pls fo not make fun of my question .

Answer 1

A few things are bothering you : fear of loneliness, lack of congenial company and the fact that you are not getting married because of your looks or so you think. It is probably the last which has triggered your depression and caused such low self-esteem. In the process you are not looking at the plus points - aren't you working? That is a great thing, to be financially independent ! And why bother about job security? These days, hasn't career become a series of job switches and with each change, don't you fare better?Plus, you are better off if people have rejected you because of your 'looks'. Those who put such premium on outward appearances are not worth bothering about. You are still too young to feel so despondent about not getting married. May be you (and your mom) should have started bothering if you were 42, not when you are 24. Cultivate a positive outlook, develop self confidence and faith in Providence, you will see things will work out and fall in place.

Answer 2

Er ah what planet are you living on? Most people who do not live in remote third world villages or trailer parks do not get married till around 30, and getting married is something you think about AFTER you have a boyfriend of your choosing for some long amount of time - back in the 12th century your parents married you off at young ages so you could breed like a farm animal but most people do not live like that anymore.



Seriously if you are for real you are an educated person to have that sort of job. Do not even think about getting married - you are totally not ready for it at 24!



If you are lonely than find a BOYFRIEND - it really is not that hard with the internet, simply market yourself well - you do not have to be a movie star or something, there will be a lot of guys out there who will appreciate an educated woman with a bright future and a good attitude. You sound really nice to me!



You have a lot of options - in the mid 20s there is a surplus of men, so you have a lot to choose from. You did not mention what state you live in, but you can always find another job if you are willing to relocate - and you may not have to (software company - I am guessing California) - hell it is the biggest state with a reasonably diversified economy, if IT hits the skids you can do HR for some other sort of company - if all else fails you can move to South Florida - we have a great climate and an unemployment rate of less than 4%! And Florida is cheaper to live in and has lower taxes than California!



So cheer up, this rough patch may push you in a new better direction... And if you send me your CV and photo the boyfriend issue may be on the way to being solved... hehe



Best of luck,

[e-mail]

Answer 3

You have to start thinking positively. That is the first step. Today in our days everyone has the possibility to make themselves attractive. You say you are not good looking, well do something about it. Go to the Mall, to the cosmetics counter. The Sales ladies are trained what to suggest for your complexion, and they are trained how to apply it. Tell them that you want to buy makeup, and they will advise you what to purchase, and how to apply it. From the moisturizer through the whole gamut of makeup products they feel is good for you. Then go to a proffessional, beauty salon and ask them what style hairdo will fit your face.



Next, if you have to lose a couple of pounds, do it. When you do lose the excess weight, go on a shopping spree to purchase a new wardrobe. Doesn't have to be expensive, just mix and match.



Meanwhile at the same time you are doing the above, do volunteer work at a hospital, or a nursing home. There are other volunteers their so you can make friends.



You also have to count your blessings, that you have a great mom. But she should not push you into getting married till you accomplish building up your self esteem.



Good luck to you, you "beautiful girl", I say that because you are beautiful in the inside, and it has to show on the outside.

Go to it. Stop berating yourself. You are drowning yourself in self pity, and after a while people really don''t care, and you are left with yourself.

Answer 4

I live alone and it's O.K. I know a lot of women that are living alone because that is what they want. I have two small dogs that live with me and keep me company. Does one need to be good looking to be married...I think not. I think you are being a little hard on yourself...you just don't know what life is going to give you and it could be something that you have wanted for a long time. Be kind to yourself, be a friend to you, because you sound like a wonderful person, a person that is aware and has deep profound feelings. Dream and dream big and hold on to that dream until it comes true. Everyday give thanks for something that you have. My father was one ugly man, he was the first to point that fact out....but, he was charming, funny, smart and kind...he was handsome to the ladies and the men where his friends. What I'm getting at is beauty comes from with in you...and it's a lasting beauty. Have confidence in your self and find the beauty that begging to get out.

Answer 5

I am almost the same way. I am married and stuff, but I don't talk to anyone but my husband and mother. I have severe depression, which I think makes me anti-social and have low self-esteem. When someone says, "Well, dont put yourself down!"and "Think positive!" it does nothing. I find most people are not worthy of trust, which is why I don't talk to most people. I refuse to believe you're too ugly or whatever to find a date. What I think you need is some real friends, who won't make fun of you for something serious like this. Easier said then done I know. Also, the harder you try, the harder it will be. People get nervous when they're around nervous people and won't like them. Relax. You have to be comfortable being alone before you can be comfortable with anyone else. And as for a husband, don't go out looking for a husband, start out looking for a good guy friend. Maybe it will progress to something, maybe not. But have fun in the moment! Best of luck!

Answer 6

You are depressed, but do you know why? I would guess not, but two things are obvious from your explanation. First, you are 24 and allowing your mother to boss you around. You are feeling guilty for not living up to her expectations.

I am almost sure there is some cultural reasons for your situation. Taking the cultural reality into account, is there anyone you can talk to about this situation that understands the cultural expectations your mother may be concerned about?

You need to get professional help before you make a bad mistake. It may be somewhat expense, but it can help you understand what is happening so you can make some changes and know why you need to make changes.

One visit can sometimes make a world of difference. But, you may need to shop around for the right professional. Is there a culturally significant professional out their that would be open minded about your situation at home? Would you be able to talk to a man or is it best to talk to a lady professional?

These are questions you need to explore yourself. But without a doubt, it is a good thing you asked this question, because the question reflects some considerable conflict within you.

Please do not hesitate to find some help! You can and will get better if you continue trying to help yourself. Thanks for asking.

Answer 7

No one can give you the answer here. You're suffering from depression and need to find a therapist. This is a REAL disease and you can't just "snap out of it."



Most health insurance covers mental health as well as physical health now. Contact your insurance provider and they will either help you find a psychologist/psychiatrist or they will send you a catalog so you can choose your own.



If you don't have insurance, or don't think you can afford the help you can look in the phone book for county or state programs that will allow you to pay on a sliding scale.



No one has to know you are seeing a psychotherapist, and there's no shame in seeing one.



You need to find someone now.



Good luck, and blessed be.

Answer 8

Let me tell you what I see here. You are "young", you "have a job" although your job is not stable, still you have a job.

You have a "mother" which is also positive.

Is there something you would like to do in terms of study something different or care for something like animals or elderly people, also as something you can do by the side? Do you have a talent you could develop? I am somehow sure you have "something" you would love to follow. Follow this love and good things will increase in your life.

Physical beauty always fades, inner beauty always increases and the right person will be guided to you.

Answer 9

Sounds like you have a low opinion of yourself.



I'm not making any attempt to be funny,. but perhaps a trip to a psychologist would help.

Many psychiatrists have some on their staff, so you could consider giving one a call. This doesn't mean you are mentally ill, but it seems you have a bit more going than you can handle yourself. It is not something to be ashamed of, and, who would have to know besides you and him?? Another choice, the psych dept at a neaby college.





Make that call. It will help. I promise.

Answer 10

Hello Simple N Sweet,



When I was 24 I felt the exact same things you now feel.



My problem was that I always expected more of myself than I seemed to be getting out of myself..lol



I didnt have a good woman,had below average jobs and 98.7% of my friends werent really friends at all,they were merely people I knew.







I knew I deserved a good woman,good job,good friends etc.etc. because I consider myself to be a hard working,somewhat intelligent decent looking all around good guy but I didnt have any of the things I felt i deserved in my life and that was indeed depressing.



I always felt that I was "spinning my wheels" and wasnt going anywhere in life and thats when I starting getting down on myself and that turned into hopelessness.



One day,for whatever reason(I call it a reality check),I just started to look around and thats when I realized just how wrong I was.



I had so much going for me but I couldnt see it because I wanted and expected so much more but thats a GOOD THING because even though I didnt have all that I wanted at least I knew what I wanted and deserved and that in itself is more than most can say.



Out of desperation a lot of people just grab the first job,first girl/guy that pays some attention to them or clings to the first person that will listen to them hoping it to be a friend but end up being betrayed,hurt and back to the "why do I keep getting burned,there must be something wrong with me!" mentality.



Have you ever thought that the problem might NOT be you?



Some of the most beautiful women Ive ever met considered themselves to be ugly so I dont for one minute believe you are too ugly to find that special someone.



You are 24 you must be somewhat educated and with JUST those 2 things in my opinion you basically have the world by the throat.



If youre judging your looks based on models,media etc. just stop it and I mean NOW..do you actually think they wake up looking like that???????????



These "models" pay thousands and thousands of dollars to look like they do and to be quite honest they should sue the hell out of the ones they pay because some of these "models" are DOG UGLY!!!!!!!!



In closing step back for a second and "check yourself"!



I dont know you at all but from what I do you have more than you even realize to offer so STOP being down on yourself.



We want everything NOW and even thats too late but be patient,realize that you are worthy of happiness and shouldnt settle for second best therefore it is worth patience and STOP assuming theres something wrong with you.



Hope this helps!

Answer 11

i really empathize with you i feel bad all the time. I know you can't do anything until your ready, and you have to take care of yourself first, don't let people pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. What do you want for yourself, for your life? why do you feel you can't discuss how miserable you are with anyone? i know how family can be they see everything has black and white, they nothing to be wrong and if there is they want a quick fix. if it's important for you to take care of yourself, then you take care of yourself. i don't know how to get confidence or where it comes from but i know the first step is being honest with yourself about who you are and how you feel, and if you need somebody to talk to and you feel like nobody will listen, i will.

Answer 12

Here is how I would start...

stop putting yourself down! How do you know that there isn't a mr right out there who doesn' think you are the best woman he could ever meet? If you have the time after work, get out and join a club. ie sport, recreation, non profit etc.

Answer 13

You have a job. Save a lot of money.



You may or may not find a guy that is right for you. If you find, good. If not, still good.



Accept your life. If you think you can't get married, then accept it and learn to live that way.



We struggle because our heart says something and mind says something else.

Answer 14

You are definitely showing symptoms of depression and may have symptoms of other disorders as well. No one in a forum like this can properly diagnose you. No one online can properly diagnose you.



You need to seek out a psychotherapist in your area. She or he will be able to help you identify the problems you are having and find ways to solve them (including your self-esteem issues!).

Answer 15

You will naturally stop worrying and stop being miserable when you...



explore your inner dimension...



Identify and Enjoy the beauty, peaceful, blissful, fearlessness, freedom unlimited dimension of the aloneness of self.



When you identify beauty inside, world outside is naturally beautiful.

Answer 16

It su cks to feel lonely, but remember that trust is not required, only love is. Know yourself, love yourself. Don't take pitty on anyone, pitty is not required, only love is.



"Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it." (Confucius).

Answer 17

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Go for it !!!!!!!!!!