is it ALRIGHT to LOSE yourself in the Name of LOVE?

Question

is it Possible to Lose one's IDENTITY or sense of self-worth in a Relationship?

Answer 1

Somehow, having the word "lose", "losing" or "lost" in the same sentence with the word "love" does not seem right to me. For me, to love is to GAIN - not to lose something, least of all yourself. To lose oneself for love would somehow cheat the other of the very thing that he or she should be in love with - YOU.



And we've heard stories and legends of so many poor souls who had lost everything they had, not only themselves - in the name of love. Just look at what Helen was willing to lose for Paris - her throne, her family and even her daughter Hermione. Ultimately leading to the downfall of great Troy.



And in the real world, I've also seen people who had forsaken family, home, morality, principles and even husbands in the name of what they believed is love.



As a daughter of a psychologist and counselor, I've heard sad, sad stories of wives steadfastly standing by their bullying, cowardly husbands - with eyes still black and swollen from the last beating. Not being able to pack up and leave because they, despite everything, still hoped for the love that would come back into their lives.



Yes. It is all so possible. It happens all around us.... everyday.

Answer 2

It happens all the time & it is not alright. A healthy person will bring a strong sense of self to the relationship, their identity may be added to, but not lost. The same goes for their self worth. The relationship should add to their self worth but their self worth should never be dependent on the relationship. When 2 people join together in Love, the total should always be more than the sum of the parts. If it is not, it is not a healthy relationship. Thanks again for a interesting question.

Answer 3

Yes it is very possible to lose one´s identity or sense of self-worth in a relationship.....thats a lesson im never going to forget....and you know i am still trying to figure out if its even actual real love when you end up feeling so lost....shouldnt love be something that completes you rather than something that confuses you and makes you lose a piece of yourself?...all these questions run through my mind, and well maybe it is possible to be in actual love when that happens to you but the other person still wouldnt be the right person for you then because obviously, they dont love you back if they are forcing you to be someone you´re not. I´ve learned that love is about many, many things, and helping one another grow as individuals is one of those things....



So to answer your initial question, no i do not think its alright at all to lose yourself in the name of love or for any other reason in fact, unless...it is for the reason of simply needing to lose yourself so you can find yourself again properly....sometimes we all need to do that....but apart from that, there is no reason worth losing yourself over. Not even love. And besides a million other reasons why losing yourself is a bad idea....if you think about it, you cant even enjoy love, when you´re lost...because you´re in this weird place in your mind..where it feels like everything is wrong inside and yet you dont know what to do or how to stop hurting your inner-self.

Answer 4

There are different circumstances for different relationships. When a person is in a relationship where he or she wants to give themselves to another person for the sake of love is because they haven't experienced what they feel love really is. It is extremely Possible to Lose your IDENTITY or a sense of self-worth in a Relationship. When a person is willing to open up about what they've been through in life and in other relationships; that's okay and alright. I never want a person to lose themselves in another because they may not get themselves back. People lose themselves and don't want to trust themselves or another person in a relationship ever again. So, I don't think people should lose themselves in the Name of Love!

Answer 5

Possible?

Yes.

Right?

No.

Nothing has a right to take away your self worth. You should be the person you want to be, an unless you feel your a bad person who has wronged many times - you have no reason to change your identity.

If people cannot accept you, for who you are - they are not worth having friendship or a relationship with!

Answer 6

First question--no, it's not alright. Second question in a little more depth, (hopefully), it's very possible. People like this tend to be natural nurturers, compromisers, sensitive & giving. Most aren't even aware they're losing their identity until something happens--& they feel invisible to themselves. By this time, the "other" has either taken them for granted, or is feeling suffocated & the relationship ends. Mutually. The sad thing, is at this point, the one who has "lost" themselves has to rediscover, & that can be a very sad & frightening experience. I've seen "symbiotic" relationships like this last for many years, but there is always an underlying feeling of discontent in both of them.

Answer 7

It is not alright to Lose yourself in Love, for to truly love someone else you have to love yourself first. Losing your identity and self-worth in a relationship seems to me to be a very one sided relationship.

Answer 8

If the love is true. . . than the other would never allow you to " lose your identity or sense of self-worth " in that shared relationship. I was once married...I know what it is to have another attempt to take away anothers own identity.



So is it " alright " . . . no. When two bring their love together...if that love is right than that love will only carry each other to be brighter together and individually.



The only place one should be " lost " is in the warmth of the others embrace and depth of eyes where that love if felt. It's an ' out of body ' experience. . . and that place gone to is not being " lost "...it authentic Love.



There is love and then there is authentic Love. Authentic Love is RARE to find. (she sighs).

.

.

Answer 9

Yes, it's certainly possible. And no it's certainly not alright!

There would be 2 different ways to lose oneself in a relationship. One is an abusive relationship in which the abused is so constantly put down they lose their self worth.

The other type is the lovey-dovey kind. The 2 are so deep in eachother's affection and making plans that they lose sight of their own rules they made for themselves, not to mention the logistics of the future.

Answer 10

When I read just the question...."Is it alright to lose yourself in the name of love"? I was going to answer ''yes''. But when I read the details....I kind of got confused to answer yes or no.



I mean, I believe that one you should never lose their own sense of self in a relationship no matter what. Because that is how the relationship starts. With their sense-of-self. You should gain in a relationship. Never lose anything.

Answer 11

True love will make u the best person u can be, not lose yourself, so if u have to lose your identity or self worth, that's not love. it's NEVER alright to LOSE yourself, no matter what.





(God bless u enki, how do u come up with all these great questions??)

Answer 12

Enki it depends on what you mean lose yourself we have all been lost in love at some time or another and it is a happy beautiful feeling we can all relate to when we can connect to another...



But as far as loss of Identity or Sense of self-worth in a relationship that is not a very good thing that is a negative. One time a cousin of mine who got married 22 years ago told me that when she was first married she lost herself she had no identity as she merged with her husband who was ....In the end because she lost herself in the relationship and her sense of self worth was lost she had problems with her husband....and now they have been separated for the past three years and he is dating someone and she is dating someone I cried when things were not working out for them...............Anyway the point is Never lose your identity and if you love another that person will adapt to you and you to them :))) and you will grow together that is if you both feel the same way :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I had another friend from College that was also afraid of loss of identity or sense of self worth before she got married she has 4 kids now hahehehe and she is still married I guess she worked it out but many times it is our own fears that cause these issues and feeling these feelings of love and being with another :)))) ENKI BINKI..........I asked a question somewhat like this yesterday :))))))))))))))))))))) I guess with different words :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Answer 13

No it's not all right. But yes. It's very possible. Too many people do this. They lose themselves in a relationship. They get so wrapped up in the other person that they forget who they are & lose their independence. They doubt themselves. They become weak & insecure, so afraid to lose their partner who has become their entire universe. You start doing the things that they like, compromising to please them. You neglect other hobbies & friends you used to have. You focus on them & stop doing things just for you.



I used to make this mistake. Too many times. A hard habit to break. I still struggle with it! When you love someone it's tempting to get swept away, starry-eyed & make them your whole world but it's not healthy. You have to keep something for yourself. Be strong & independent. Stay true to who you are. Have hobbies & interests apart from them. & love yourself first & foremost. Be good to yourself. Love should help you to find yourself. Your partner should support you & make you feel stronger. They should give you comfort & security yet give you the space & freedom to be yourself.



It's a delicate balance & can be tough to manage. But if you don't protect your self-esteem in a relationship then both you & the relationship are doomed. You will feel insecure & needy & will begin to resent your partner. They will feel smothered & annoyed by your demands. The key is to let go, not grip so tightly. Give your partner space & take some for yourself. You do not have to be attached at the hip.



Love isn't two halves becoming whole. It's two whole people coming together & being stronger & happier as a pair but still strong & happy apart....



It's a challenge!

Answer 14

No, its not alright. It is very possible to lose one's identity, but the person needs to remember that it was that very identity that attracted the loved one to them. Becoming someone else will eventually leave that person alone to the point where they don't even recognize themselves anymore.

Answer 15

Quite possible... never right! But you have to realize that in every true love relation you give up part of your self to build a one self with the other that can be called "US"... the US may grow to be bigger that each of the parts but at any point the parts can be identified by them selves and must retain an essence that if the US dies, the ones can still manage to build themselves again.

Answer 16

Oh shoot!

I was going to answer without reading the details, but now it means something totally different than what I took it for. My first response was going to be YES, especially on one of those nights where the kids aren't around.

But alas, I saw words that took me away from that fantacy...:(

In answer to THE question-

Never is it okay to lose your identity in any situation. It was given to you as a gift. You life, your identity is to be cherished in the name of love, not squashed or hiddden.

Answer 17

maybe not but it is alright to "stop in the name of love!"



lol sorry!!! just had to do that one!!!



but seriously... maybe it isnt ALRIGHT but i know that tons of people do it. When your in love things just dont seem to matter like they used to. Everything surrounding you is a blur and the only thing that seems right is the person you love. Some people get into a serious relationship and totally withdraw from the rest of the world. although i wouldnt say this is healty... it happens.

Answer 18

It's possible to loose yourself in the 'name of love' ....but then it is not love.



many people do this....they ways in which they handle it and the causes for it are as diverse as each relationship.



It is a true test of the individual's character and the strength of the relationship to overcome this stage and move on to a deeper understanding.



It is not alright to loose yourself....but it happens...and can lead to a greater awakening if addressed properly and both people want to get out of that imbalance.

Answer 19

No, it's not alright--and yes, it's possible to lose one's identity...



We should never compromise our values in the name of love. We should maintain our individuality always.

Answer 20

If the Love is TRUE between both then Love should strenghten both but if the so called love is NOT true, either one or both parties, mostly one, loses one's IDENTITY or self-worth as you put it.

Answer 21

It is. Yes, it is.

But if you loose your self-worth, what was the good? I would end any relationship were you would loose self-worth, actually, I have ended one because of that. We all lose ourselves somehow in love, one way or another. . .

Answer 22

I really do believe in the power of love... even if I've just got trough a really harmful experience... I still believe love is the feeling that deserves living for.... there are people who have problems developing relationships...

Answer 23

Love is an enhancement to share between two individuals who care deeply within eachother. but as "individuals" we tend to keep our own identity.There are cases when loosing ones self to love does exist, thus an amount of loss of personal self. It is a matter of harmony and balance to co-exist in the name of LOVE>

Answer 24

I think it's possible but i also think it's NOT alright... you should always find yourself and keep yourself, but it's totally possible to become so close to someone that you lose yourself in them.

Answer 25

It happens, but no, it just ain't right. I think love in its truest possible state, would cause us to be more comfortable in our own self. Because we are accepted the way we are, so we are more confident. We are loved for what we are, so we appreciate others more and love others more.

In the truest sense, we GAIN ourselves back and share more of ourselves to others.

Answer 26

NEVER EVER!!! If you are truly meant to be together, you will each love each others diffrences, but if you end up losing yourself in the "my better half syndrome" you will end up resenting losing 'yourself' or the person you gave yourself to.

Answer 27

It is very possible. I did last year. I was quiet and shy, totally not me. When we finally broke up and I recovered, I felt a big releif to be able to be myself again. If you are in love, you should be able to be yourself.

Answer 28

it is not alright to lose yourself in the name of love.



...but then people define love in different ways

Answer 29

of course no...because simply if you delete yourself you will not be able to give anymore..it would turn into one sided relationship and this is unfair.

Answer 30

That's the idea. IF you are not willing to give it all up for someone else, then you will never know what love is.



Good luck!

Answer 31

Not once you know it and nurture it, critically. And certainly not in love - though one can in lust and infatuation.

Answer 32

That is the only way to love, my dear.

Answer 33

No !!!!!! but it is alright to get lost in Love..........

Answer 34

that's why love is created!