I wish not to argue or prove you wrong. Nor would I cram religion down your throat. I follow none but then I define religion as a way of life. I have a very rich spiritual life without a God. For me life is a celebration; a great joy! It has not always been this way and I would like to share with you my discoveries.
One day I asked a very important question, who am I. I have a body, I have a mind, I have a name, I have parents and I have a job but who or what is this I? I quickly realized without knowing who it is experiencing life, life is found to be baseless purposeless and without foundation. I swore I’d not do anything with this life until I found out who I am. Needless to say at one point I found myself sleeping under a bridge and like you very depressed. In 1961 I was in Los Angeles Cal. reading a news paper looking for a job. A add caught my eye. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi speaking on the Being the basis of all living in the Fine Arts Room at the North Ebel Club. A very prestigious place and I was in rages but I went anyway. An India fellow stopped me as I was turning away and said not to worry he would get me in. A long story short Maharishi pick me out from a huge audience and ask me for a private interview. A short man with beard and long hair introduced me to Transcendental Meditation. He gave me a mantra and an address for a follow up. He told me not to waste my life and there is every possibility I could awaken in this life time. He seemed to look right through me without any condemnation. http://www.mum.edu/video_maharishi.html
I practiced Transcendental meditation for some time. For years I studied every major religion in the world. I studied ontology, psychology, psychiatry, astrology, philosophy and on and on. Nothing, I was still in the dark. Then I ran across Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh better know today by Osho. I studied with him for many years and the lights came on but my search continued. http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=AqFYhZH_3s__fM0qXTaxl2NG2vAI?p=osho+the+book+of+secrets&fr=my-myy-s&toggle=1&cop=&ei=UTF-8
The Book of Secrets by Osho is the best investment you will ever make. 112 keys to the mystery within. Today I am in a Monastery under the guidance of Asha Rishi Yogi, my namesake, an enlighten master. This may not be for you but I recommend you make contact with him on this forum. You will have to go through another with questions but he will answer you. He will destroy you but from the ashes a new being will arise. Peace, joy and fulfillment can be achieved if you have the guts to look.