Question:
Should I just accept that It seems that I am not a joyful kind of guy?
Fuego
2013-07-21 14:26:51 UTC
Should I just accept that It seems that I am not a joyful kind of guy?
Seven answers:
Patrick_Version2B
2013-07-21 15:09:26 UTC
In Dr. Whitfield's book "Healing the Child Within", he describes "true self" and "false self" (including alternate terms boiling down to same). The true self is one's authentic self, and is always positive no matter how gloomy one believes he is. The false self is the "crap" we are conditioned to become via unrealistic and damaging circumstances we don't know how to deal with at the formitive stages.



Whitfield believes the fundamental authentic self is one that is positive, optimistic and even cheerful amidst tragedy but not flippant, etc... To give you an idea - imagine a horrible criminal no one likes, and yet he to has the deeply buried true self...



Anyway, psychology aside, now some personal experiences. I was miserable, for such reasons as always wanting the next generation gaming console despite current one being more than adequate, always wanting a better this and that despite current being exceedingly adequate, complaining about my life falling apart despite decades later it taught me things about true wealth in life I never could have learned otherwise.... I could ramble on, point is - "joy" is a matter of right perspective, a healthy attitude about life. Can you imagine being grateful for having found nearby bomb shelter as the carpet bombing began in WWII over your city? Can you imagine expressing gratitude over having a stale loaf of bread to eat during the Great Depression? Can you imagine the exceeding joy of being able to take a final vacation with your family despite the horrible terminal illness? What I'm getting at is that we today seem a bit spoiled - we have so much to be grateful for, yet seem to fixate at the hyped up "want" culture tells us we "lack" in order to be be "happy" - whether such "happiness" is presented in the form of "seven easy payments of $599" or pursuing "career the 'Johnses' will turn green with envy for a change" or "whatever".



Don't get me wrong, I used to be miserable, only because I looked in the wrong direction. "Two prisoners look out the same barred cell window - one sees the disgusting mud below, the other the fantastic stars in the night's sky above"... "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, rather learning to enjoy dancing in the rain"... - and so on, quotes and personal experiences suggesting "joy" in life does not come from outside because reality is somehow unrealistically perfect, rather, from within DESPITE whatever excuse.



Don't accept the negatives culture indirectly conditioned you with. Your authentic self is positive, you now have to "find it". In my case, beating a path through a forbidding thick jungle full of terrifying pitfalls but even more fantastic lost cities of gold, proved my case spanning two miserable decades - and, in retrospect, I would not have shortened any of it by even a minute.... Erhm, I keep digressing - point is, NO, don't accept the negatives about yourself, instead, discard the "junk" culture dumped upon you via hype, ads, dysfunctional upbringing, and the sort, FIND YOURSELF instead. It will be a fantastic journey, and even adventurous if you will never ask "are we there yet" sort of impetuous questions. Life is life, discover yours, ignore the time-frame, etc... but don't settle for "mediocrity" when even if one ends up mediocre while pursuing lofty ideals, one will have gained a bearing of the ideal in the process of fleeting outcomes.



Hope I made sense, I have a peculiar way of expressing myself, and, this was it. -Pat
Brian
2013-07-21 21:30:24 UTC
I don't know enough about your situation to give you an appropriate answer but I'm just going to take a blow at it. :P



Assuming you are not depressed, and you don't see any medical doctors... I'm assuming this is just an emotional thing you're feeling right now. I do not think you are a joyful person all the time, no one is happy all the time. IF you felt ecstasy like feelings you would be messed up. The one thing I've noticed though, is a lot of the smart people have hard lives, from Mozart Wolfgang to Nikola Tesla, to Thomas Edison. ALL smart people have good parts and down parts in life, realize that and you will realize you are a normal human being, just going through emotional feelings and a rough time in life.



I hope I helped! :)))
?
2013-07-21 21:55:55 UTC
Joy,happiness,contentment---these are all states of mind.You decide what state of mind you are going to be in.Do what you feel is right and best.For me,I won't allow myself to get too happy,or too sad.When you indulge in one emotion,you must allow for the opposite emotion to take hold at some point.I'd rather stay near the middle,than experience highs and lows.
?
2013-07-21 22:03:16 UTC
Sure, if you don't accept it, who will? I think it's ok to be no so joyful!!





Douglas
John
2013-07-21 22:03:46 UTC
Sure. there are plenty of wonderful, serious guys in the world. Also, don't be surprised if you change. Welcome change and growth. good luck.
?
2013-07-21 21:34:15 UTC
Me too. It really doesn't matter as ling as you do what you want.
?
2013-07-21 21:42:55 UTC
If you don't like to be joyless...change it. It's your choice.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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