A very happy birthday prayer goes out to you.
You sound like a sensitive person. Sinsitive in a possitive manner. Some of our greatest writers, poets, actors and politicians have been where you are today.
President Abraham Lincoln suffered from depression all of his life. He had dreams and goals early on that seemed just out of his reach. He failed in some areas that many people would have given up on.
He lost his mother as a youngster and yet his step-mother became even closer to him. In fact, he loved her so much that he had a mansion built just for her and that she was to live in 'all of her days'.
His step-brother, John Johnston, is not heard of much in history. He didn't even have a beer named for him. He was continually in debt and frequently sought Mr. Lincolns help in the way of loans which he never paid back.
One day, while in the White House, Mr. Lincoln received a note from John in which he stated his immediate need for some monies, yet again.
AL wrote back that it seemed to him JJ's problem was not his need for money, which AL would give him, but JJ needed to learn to stop being a lazy lout. AL then offered him a deal. "Go to work for Mr. .... and for every dollar you earn, I will match it. Dollar for dollar."
The President did not hear back from his step brother who lost everything again and continued in his life thusly.
You see, we all lose. I lost the most important woman in my life. She loved me with her heart and with all that she was. When I was about to be overcome by people, it was she who came to my protection. I came from a life of abuse and she saw something beautiful in me and saved me. Then she died.
Life is not over, my friend. Life is an adventure. It is filled with valley's so we can recognized just how wonderful the mountain tops really are.
You are needed. Needed by every child who is hurting. You are wanted. Wanted by any right thinking individual who sees your inner beauty. You are desirous. Desirous in the things you can share, not take.
Here is my solution for every birthday no one is here to celebrate with me. For Christmas, holidays and even for specials day when I am alone, because I am alone, I like to go to a coffee shop. One of my favorites is by our local college. I sit there, have a roll and get a book to look at. In a few moments, ALWAYS, someone stops by and we strike up a visit. I'll buy them a cup of coffee as a birthday gift from me and for me. Soon, and this has never failed, others gather around, usually students, and we have a wonderful time talking about important things and a whole lot of nothingness.
Are you miserable my child? Find someone to cheer up and a miracle will happen for you. I wish I could be someone you wanted to talk with on a frequent basis, but someone is out there waiting to talk. Who knows, someday you just might find someone at a coffee shop who will buy you a cuppa. If he has white hair, don't give up on him as just a old fuddy duddy, he just might be that special person you can talk with.
Best of lives and best of love